Not All Mothers Are Saints

Exploring Maternal Ambivalence in Indian Narratives

Abstract

Motherhood in contemporary urban India is a deeply emotional and socially charged experience, often idealized in public discourse but rarely explored through the lens of maternal ambivalence. This article examines the lived experiences of twenty participants, including biological, adoptive, and single mothers living in Kolkata, ranging in age from twenty-eight to forty-six years, who reveal the complex interplay between personal emotions and societal expectations. Using in-depth semistructured interviews conducted between 2020 and 2025, the article highlights how mothers grapple with feelings of guilt, exhaustion, and contradiction—emotions often silenced in mainstream narratives of mothering. Despite having supportive families and spouses, participants reported experiencing immense social pressure to conform to traditional ideals of the perfect mother. The research draws from psychoanalytic theories, feminist thought, and sociological frameworks to contextualize these findings. Theories by Dennis Winnicott and Julia Kristeva help illuminate the psychological toll of mothering, while feminist scholars such as Nancy Chodorow, Arlie Russell Hochschild, and Kimberlé Crenshaw offer insight into the gendered emotional labour and intersecting identities shaping motherhood. The article also considers the influence of different regional Indian cinemas, as well as regional literature in reinforcing or challenging cultural myths of maternal perfection. The article argues that maternal ambivalence is not a weakness but a valid, even necessary, part of the mothering experience. It calls for a shift in public and academic discourse to acknowledge and honour these complex emotional realities, paving the way for a more empathetic and inclusive understanding of motherhood.