Why Do We Blame Mothers?

Maternal Responsibility in Father-Daughter Incest Narratives, Research, History, and Gender Bias

Abstract

This article interrogates notions of mothers’ complicity in the sexual abuse of their children by their fathers. It seeks to understand their secondary trauma in relation to such abuse within the patriarchal confines of the family. As a psychologist and childhood survivor of sexual abuse, I interrogate societal tendencies to blame mothers for the behaviour of men who subject their children to such abuse. This prejudicial response has not softened despite increased understanding of the difficulties many women face—both practical and psychological—in wanting to leave an abusive situation, even when it impacts their children. My experience as a survivor of a family in which sexual abuse and violence perpetrated by my father impacted me, my mother, and my siblings informs my interest. In addition, as a psychologist, I am well equipped to interrogate the rippling affect/effect of misogynistic events in which daughters and mothers are put at odds and individually vilified. My research aims to gain a better understanding of the trauma suffered by maligned and vulnerable partners, women, and wives trapped in father-daughter abuse crises and their representation in certain narratives, my own and that of others. Implicit in this enquiry are the agency and wellbeing of survivor children.